Facing a Flaw
So I wasn’t sure the message from the psychic about my husband being one in a billion was because he was so great, or because only one in a billion men would put up with me. I settled on the fact that’s it’s a little of both. In reality, we both are pretty awesome, and we’re both pretty flawed. As is the case with most of the people that I’ve met throughout my life.
But it was time to face a flaw, and that is never easy. For the sake of my marriage, and for the sake of my sanity as a feminine being, it was time to attempt playing seductress. And for those of you don’t know me well, you have no idea just how awkward that attempt would be. (As a total aside, my husband and I have always been satisfied with the frequency and outcome of our sexual encounters. But they had a habit of starting by simply brushing up next to each other in bed at the end of long days of work, children, chores, pets…etc. Flirting and seduction was just never a part of it.)
Covering Up Body Consciousness
Anyway, let me put my awkwardness in context. I grew up a female in America. That should be enough to explain my skewed body consciousness. But I also grew up with a very self-conscious mother. I don’t think I ever saw her in a bathing suit or shorts (let alone in her underwear or naked) throughout my entire childhood. On top of all that I grew up Mormon and remained active in the Mormon church until my early thirties. Active, meaning I wore those weird garment things as underwear. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about check this link with article about it put out by the Mormons themselves.) http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/temple-garments
Many active Mormons don’t like wearing garments, but I actually loved it. It gave me something to hide behind in the bedroom. Although I haven’t worn them in over ten years, I never really became a sexy lingerie kind of girl. It’s always been more practical than pretty. More comfort than kinky.
I had also never had sex with anyone before marrying my husband. (And he, having not grown up Mormon, had had sex with lots of people…which didn’t add to my self confidence.)
Schooling in Seduction
Well…one day the kids were going to be gone for the evening. I was on my way home from work and thought, this is as good a time as any. Time to go seduce this man. We were supposed to go get dinner, but I thought, if we go get dinner I’ll be full, then I’ll get tired, then it will get late, then this will never happen. But I was also really hungry and knew I couldn’t sex it up on an empty stomach. So I drove through the McDonald’s drive through on the way home and got a 20 piece McNugget meal. I ate a couple nuggets and fries and saved the rest for him.
When I got home, in the silliest sexy voice you ever heard, I said, “Here’s some nuggets for you. You can eat them now, or you can eat them after we have sex here on this couch.”
And as a response, my husband literally pouted and said, “I was looking forward to going out to dinner.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I took a big 5 second breath in and blew the air out slowly through my mouth. Then said, “I’m going to pretend that didn’t hurt and I’m going to go change into something sexy.” And I turned and walked into the bedroom.
It turned out to be a really great evening. One in a billion! (Wearing sexy underwear really amps up the power of the magic.)